Trusted or Likeable - Which is Key in Sales?
Blog Posted: Thursday, October 1, 2009
One columnist and public speaker in business development circles has recently strongly put forth the notion that people will do business with those they "like", and that the widely held notion that garnering trust as the key to building business relationships is mistaken. He asks people in the audience in one of his programs posted on YouTube which they believe to be most important by a show of hands. When the vast majority raise their hands indicating that trust is more important, he issues a strong rebuttal. Is this business development and sales guru on to something ?
Well, yes and no from where I sit.
First of all, yes, just as he states in his example of going out on a date, if there is no spark, e.g., if you don't like the person - game over. Period. There simply exists no motivation to proceed to the next step, namely, determining if this person is someone with whom we want to create something long term. But, that said, and I know from personal experience ,if you feel that "spark", and at the same time sense that something is amiss like, for example, the potential significant other sitting on the other side of the table is not able to look you in the eye when you ask about one little minor detail like the status of their separation from their spouse, doesn't this just as powerfully signal to you there will be no date number two? Color me paranoid, but I'm not crazy about dating someone who has been separated several times from their spouse, and likes to talk to the spouse from whom they are separated about the suitors tripping over themselves to ride off into the sunset, as a twisted sort of weapon to make the spouse red as a fire truck with jealousy. This actually has happened to someone I know. All this is to make this point: I am completely convinced that only a very small percentage of us would proceed with the second date without the element of trust.
Building business relationships is no different. There are essentially two schools of thought in business development and sales. The first is the "personality" based paradigm as set forth by the columnist/speaker I am referring to in the opening paragraph of this column, and several others (some quite famous) which are characterized by their charisma. The other school is the "Principle" based model first made popular in a big way by Stephen Covey with the win/win approach to negotiation. And it turned the existing concept of what "winning" a negotiation meant completely on its ear.
There are some folks who scoff at the Covey approach as being for the faint of heart and the naive, but nothing could be further from the truth. Covey goes to great lengths to clarify that if someone comes to him and bemoans the fact that they tried his approach, and they were genuinely conciliatory, yet didn't fare well in the negotiation, then that is really lose/win and not win/win. To work toward outcomes that are truly beneficial to all parties, just one of the keys to principle centered business approaches, one has to work even harder than the forerunner to it in which we try to beat the other guy or gal to smithereens.
Imagine how much good will you would be able to create if, after negotiating a contract, you called your client and pointed out an oversight in their favor, and then adjusted the agreement accordingly? Acting in the spirit of win/win in all of our business dealings is the difference between winning a sale, and winning a long term relationship.
In short, we really need to be both likable and trust worthy. We are likeable when we make efforts to read our customer; we have to take their measure and learn what they are looking for in the business relationship and then adjust our style to fit that desire. Some people question this approach but I am saying that this is just like wearing a suit and tie in one case and business casual in another to suit the client's corporate culture. We need to develop the capacity to do likewise with our interaction/presentation style. I am not suggesting being someone we are not; rather, we expand our capacity so that we can interact effortlessly with wide range of personalities. This comes with practice, by seeking a more experienced mentor and reading good books and publications regularly, like almost every day! And we must have enthusiasm and find the fun in what we do.
When we add to these ideas about likability the powerful attribute of genuine integrity, and by this I mean our words, thoughts and deeds are in lockstep, and we seek not to win a sale, but to win a long term business relationship, then and only then will genuine and long-lasting success, beyond our wildest expectations, will be within our grasp!
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