Several years ago I was being interviewed by a career placement firm, better known as a head-hunter, and toward the end of the interview i was asked to talk about my relationship with my son. At first puzzled about why the question was posed, I went along with the man interviewing me and shared how that part of my life was going. I then asked why the question was posed and what relevance it had to whether I was the right person for the opportunity in question. It turns out it was more of a predictor of this agency finding the right person than I could have imagined.
The guy interviewing me discussed the reason for posing the question in depth. This firm asked the same question to everyone they were trying to place who had children. He told me that in their experience, with very few exceptions, people who had trouble respecting their own children had problems with abusing their authority, with being team players and a whole litany of workplace troubles, and were far less likely to make a positive contribution in the workplace.
The concept of universally respecting other people was ingrained in me in the early years of my work life. I learned a poignant anal ogy: if one bows to a mirror, the image in the mirror "bows back" as it were. This illustrates the act of showing respect to another human being - the act and spirit of doing so is reciprocated. This concept turns the corporate hierarchy paradigm on its head. As anyone who has worked in a corporate environment will attest, people in positions of authority almost anywhere in corporate America expect those beneath their rank to bow and scrape to them. The common method of engendering respect by these execs is to strike fear in others hearts.
I had practiced this principal of gaining respect by first showing respect in my volunteer work which involved interacting with a highly diverse group of people. It didn't come naturally at first, but in time, after demonstrating respect practically at all times, it became a part of who I ultimately became. And the respect I gave was definitely reciprocated.
The event that stands out as a truly memorable one in my relationship with my son that involved respect happened when he was in the 5th grade. He came hope with a scathing note from his teacher. The man went on and on in this note about how much of a trouble maker Nathan was in his class.
Without missing a beat I looked my son and said, "He must not be a very good teacher if he's bringing out the worst in you".
My son was quite surprised by my unexpected response! This incident had enough of an impact on my son that he cited it in the written portion of his undergraduate college application.
The fact that I questioned the teacher in the incident mentioned above was based not only on the habit I had of respecting people in my environment; another event played a part as well. My mentor, founder of a respected university in California and other K-12 schools in other parts of the world was quite worried about a thirteen year old who was getting into no end of mischief at school. When the former met with the boy he said to him at one point during their conversation "Don't worry, I am on your side".
One can imagine how this must have lifted the young man's spirits. It would be comparable, if this happened in the US, I believe, to the President of the United States giving a young man his personal vote of confidence. And that one episode taught me a lifelong lesson about how to should treat my son: not as my own personal possession, but as a human beings worthy of my utmost respect.